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RoadsideOpinions: One Minute Man


"Says he can go for hours but pops before the toaster does"- Kermit the frog



It is no more news that a lot of things are wrong in my country. Ranging from the religious crisis to misappropriation of funds and lack of  intercourse between the three tiers of the government to conceive effective synergy. Which do I talk about and leave the other? Is it the People who frown like they own the vehicle when they order Uber,Opay etc or the ones that look at you like your brain is a vacuum when you try to flag down the Keke (stop that  nonsense)they Ordered from Opay. Well that's not where the problem lies. The major problem my country faces is these people who Keep polluting the peace with a lot of noise about "doing your work Kakaraka as a man" You don't know them? Herbal drugs oooo.  Here's  from me to the ONE MINUTE MAN.

You hear things like :
" You no go fit do your work as a man"
"Every time your wife touch you,you go say you dey do fasting,midnight etc"
"Come get XYZ to make your wife respect you"
Hmmmmm.....I'm in a tricycle right now,ears blocked by my ear piece cos the world keeps getting noisier by the day. I prefer listening to Read All About It- Emeli Sandé than to hear some driver abuse these Grey and Black uniform men( Task force) who run about chasing buses and jumping in to argue with the Driver and his steering wheel. Well, what's Task force without "force"
I took off my earpiece to ask the price of a detergent I saw by the traffic light. It looked too good to be true; three sachets of detergent,a bucket,a Parker for just a thousand naira. I wasn't done with the pricing when I found out I couldn't breathe. The air wasn't bad neither was it dusty. Even if it was dusty im a Nigerian so?. I still can't breathe and this mini van parked by the road wouldn't just free me from this misery as it kept screaming  " Na staphylococcus dey cause bad dream"
"Na staph dey cause madness" ( wow really? )

I know we all heard that the easiest way to be relevant was to answer a question in the society. Answering the question of the one minute man which is "How can I last longer in bed" is beautiful. But don't make him believe you have a drug that can cure HIV plus stops bad dreams and heals him of malaria And helps him to do his work KAKARAKA as a man #laughs (Stop that nonsense)

I was still pondering how STDs and STIs can cause madness. Still trying to be logical until I met a second set which killed me.

These ones didn't use pidgin or English. It was an upgrade to Igbo language. Plus the fact they play music in-between the Herbal evangelism to add spice  for the listener's pleasure.

After Rudeboys's- Reason With Me (broke boys anthem) A female voice screamed from the speakers with a shrill soprano Voice very typical in Highlife Music.

" My People anyi abiakwala ozo" ( my People we have come again)
"Mgbe obula inhe ijiri bu mmadu ana kor go oko" ( you genitals keep itching you from time to time)
"Inhe ijiri bu mmadu ana yorghari Ka gbagam gbagam (your genital keep dangling like a bell)
At this point I lost it...I died🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

For those who know me,if you find me laughing on the road then
1.i just got an alert
2. I didn't pay the bus driver
3. There's a Herbal evangelism going on nearby

For the one minute man,I'm not a Doctor so i don't know what to prescribe but never that road side shiii. But I can always pray for an extra 3minutes to your Life. Never forget that a healthy Sex life with your "Spouse" doesn't have to last for 72Hours. Piece of advice because 9Eleven Cares...❤️❤️❤️


Comments

  1. AnonymousNovember 15, 2019 9:03 am

    It's quite interesting. You just made my evening,thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 9ElevenDecember 05, 2019 8:16 am

      Thanks for reading through. I'm here to keep you entertained

      Delete

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