9Eleven

" There's no perfect man, the perfect man only exists in your head" - Wright Elijah *This Story was Inspired by Some True events. Characters, Names and Locations are not actually True.* You don't need a pair of smoking assualt riffles dangling from your hands, a magazine of bullets wrapped around your shoulders to the opposite hip like a Sash on a beauty queen, rocks of grenade hanging onto your belt strap for dear life,some intense music playing in the background as you walk away from an explosion in Slow-mo to be a DESPERADO. All you need be is Ediye who stays up late every night, shooting her shots hoping to get hooked up on the radio program "Hook-up 'N' Make-up". Now that's the real DESPERADO.  Well before we jump into conclusion and break our legs, let's hear her story.                      *                     *           ...

" Says he can go for hours but pops before the toaster does"- Kermit the frog It is no more news that a lot of things are wrong in my country. Ranging from the religious crisis to misappropriation of funds and lack of  intercourse between the three tiers of the government to conceive effective synergy. Which do I talk about and leave the other? Is it the People who frown like they own the vehicle when they order Uber,Opay etc or the ones that look at you like your brain is a vacuum when you try to flag down the Keke (stop that  nonsense)they Ordered from Opay. Well that's not where the problem lies. The major problem my country faces is these people who Keep polluting the peace with a lot of noise about "doing your work Kakaraka as a man" You don't know them? Herbal drugs oooo.  Here's  from me to the ONE MINUTE MAN. You hear things like : " You no go fit do your work as a man" "Every time your wife touch you,you go say you dey ...

"... Three things i really need to have; Money, Confidence and your phone number. I've got the first two, can i have your phone number?" - Anonymous Did i hear someone say there's nothing like luck? Nae, right now i choose to disagree. How else do you describe this. I woke up feeling very moody, i stepped out to get a few things at the store which is about a 3minutes drive or 10minutes walk. But i boarded a bus anyways. How else does luck shine on you asides sitting "alone" at the back seat, a loud mighty woofer right above your head and the drivers music playlist making you feel like heaven just got four wheels and a driver. My mood changed from Angry Bird to SpongeBob. "Make i come make i pon pon pon" Rema's- Dumebi just wouldn't stop tingling the cores of my intestine. The woofer right above me supplied this unique bass which threw me into spasms of a seated "poko" dance (i know how to do that o) ...

Lust is a pleasure bought with pains, a delight hatched with disquiet, a content passed with fear, a sin finished with sorrow - Demonax ME: Captain! Captain!! do you read me! over! CAPTAIN:  ...(Phone crackling) ME: Captain! we have a situation! the bus driver is about to kill us looking at Ass.Do you copy! Captain do..... (15minutes earlier) Where do I start?..........(exhales heavily) it's one thing to get into a bus, it's another thing to have a pervert drive you to your destination "safely".      You might be wondering where I'm going with this , well I'm not going anywhere. Where can I even go when I'm stuck between two thick Ladies and  a driver who wants to kill us looking at Ass.  There's yours living testimony (giggles)👇 This is how it all started Vroooooom!! this new looking mini bus halted right in front of me. Her orange colour shimmered underneath the warm embrace of the Wednesday morning sun. Th...

"we all hate the traffic but the blogger and the begger disagree"- Wright Elijah There are different reasons as to which a man beats his chest. It could be as a result of cough or he's laughing. Sometimes its an instruction from the pastor to beat your chest reassuringly saying " I know who I am". Which is a clear indication that you really dont know who you are or you lack knowledge of your potentials. But an exception to this is the bus driver who took me out this morning, he clearly knows who he is and wants others to know too. "Adiok ono usoh, do you know who I am!" Yelled   our puny looking driver, his arrogance was backed up by reptive vigorous slams against his chest as he drove his question home. For some reasons which I am yet to discover, the Ibibio insult ( Ibibio translate for it shall not be well with your father) really got the other driver's temper from zero to a hundred. He was about to discharge a few blows to our driver...

‘’A friend is the one who comes in when the world has gone out”- Bits and Pieces Magazine After a few shallow thoughts and sleepless nights(watching movies), I have come to a hasty conclusion that the number of Tricycles(popularly known as KEKE) surpasses the actual population in this part of my world. Did I just serve you a food for thought? Pardon my hyperbole, Bon appétit. It’s just inevitable to catch a glimpse of me getting into one, getting out of one or clinging to the metal frame right above the front seat like my wife-I mean “life” depended on it. Well, out of the drivers money driven generosity, he has offered to share his seat. So who am I not to say gracias(gracias worth 50naira). They are just everywhere. They even stopped by to say CHEESE! Before the camera went CLICK!   This is where the story lies. The chitchats I’m opportune to listen to while in this 3-legged demon is the source of the ROADSIDE OPINION SERIES. I sat in my usual front seat and from...

THE RAINBOW IN GREY SCALE (stepping out of DEPRESSION) That certain Day, I returned from my very normal routine. Not like I had a bad day, was the very natural fatigue you feel after spending 1/4 of the day under the burning sunlight. I stepped into the bathroom for a cool shower and Boom! It came. The water tricked down my ruffled hair and my heart just couldn't get over the thought that "I'm not good enough" Sometimes it happens like a Spirit possession...I imagined a million and one reasons why I didn't fit in, why I was alone. I broke down in tears. The water from the shower head mixed with my tears flowed down my Depressed Body. Still in the bathroom; I picked up my phone and dialed a few people I trusted. I told each of them to tell me something good about myself. Well I wanted Just one thing but they told me SO MANY. The feeling of DEPRESSION didn't go away asap but I can tell you all those Words helped. THE LESS IMPORTANT DISEASE Society t...

There happens to be a lot of uncertainty resulting into questions when it comes to this Falling in love thing. Its either a case of: "Falling in Love is beautiful but what if I'm falling into the wrong hands?" Or "Sometimes the person you fall for isn't ready to catch you." Some other times its: "Bottom line,we never fall for the person we are supposed to".    Now this brings me to the point of interest. Have you ever Wondered why we often fall in Love with the people who don't Love us back? Chase people who don't want us?  I could still recall way back in highschool, I use to have this beautiful seat mate(my young eyes really admired) who really was so into me but I never treated the feeling with any much respect, perhaps cos I was the one being chased? or maybe I wasn't just cutout for any of those childhood dramas. But one amazing thing was 'she never stopped'. This is same case with many of us(men/women). Many...

   Have you ever asked for a die-hard movie lover and I didn't present myself to you? Well im so much a sucker for movies but about a few weeks ago, I was sucked up in thought after I was done watching the highly controversial movie ACRIMONY. And it dawned on me more like a self realisation that in as much as I can cry when I watch a sober movie, I can equally get very upset.  After much thought I decided to do a review of this movie based on my personal judgement and a few others. Just before I begin to add my own "versy" to the already existing controversy, Here is a a brief synopsis of the movie plot 'ACRIMONY' for the benefit of those who have not seen it yet. As the clearly aggrieved Melinda relates her story to the shrink, the story flashes back to the early days of her relationship with Robert (Antonio Madison, playing the younger version of the character), whom she meets when they're both in college. The young Melinda (Aijona Alexus, who seems...

" liver start to fail ever live o faraway lyrics" ; and as soon as you touch SEARCH, Google immediately pops up DAVIDO-ASSURANCE lyrics. Do you really think you are the only one that finds unknown Songs that way on the net? Did you really think you were the only one that tears your toothpaste container when it gets finished just to get out the last trapped paste content within its edges? Let me not even go too far cos im walking in your shoes here. Did you think you were the only one that wore a Size 42 shoe whereas your foot Size is 40 but had to stuff it up with  lots of Papers just to fill the Empty space which lies within. But no one knows cos you come out looking ruby and soft Did you think you were the only one who saves a pornographic video on your phone as "Pastor Kingsley Sunday Message II" just so people don't go through it and start seeing you differently. You think you are smart abi? With that kinda Decoy abi (I must add here:STOP WATCHING...

Okay, today I decided to take a brake from fashion and how we wear what we wear. Reason being that, im beginning to realise that most of us even after appearing appealing to the eyes; fine, overly dressed and with a lot of charisma Actually do not know how to talk. And by talking I meaning having right Pick-up lines or Chyking(like my Nigeria brothers would call it). Cos frankly I think most of you wouldn't have been born if the only line Daddy used was "You are the Sugar in my tea" which tea please? ? #thinking. Let me pause a Sec to explain why I think so: Did you know just about yesterday, out of the 7billion people in the world, in a corner of Uyo Nigeria there was a certain guy who told a girl "Baby im not staring at your boobs, im only using my eyes to find a way into your heart" Prior before now I felt like those lame pick up lines only existed in comedy movies or vocals of Okon Lagos aka Bishop (our Nigerian kevin Hart) but yesterday got me thi...

YOUR SELF ESTEEM AND YOUR WARDROBE Walk into any fast food restaurant around you or perhaps pay the cinema a visit. You are sure to find the following set of people; Guy and Girl sitting and talking. Most times it always seems like the guy is trying to convince her to believe something. She smiles at intervals and then maintains composure. I call these set of people the LOVERS. Asides the LOVERS we have those that come all the way down from their houses to these public places to charge their phones.  I'd call em the PACIFIERS because they're so obedient and try to please err one around. The waiters or security most times are good at ordering these ones around knowing fully well that they wouldn't protest or argue since they are only charging their devices and paying no dime. But out of all the categories of people you find in these public places, there's a category of interest and it's the STEAMERS. I call these ones the steamers because they feel so HOT, sexy, a...

 5 REASONS WHY I DONT WANT TO GET     MARRIED(THE ALTER EGO ISSSUE)    A couple of weeks back I was on my way to Metropolitan Supermarket where I went to get some hair products for my hair. I alighted from the Tricycle popularly know as #KEKE in this part of the world and was about to pay the driver when a feminine voice interposed; "il take care of it". I turned around to find my friend Ruth (real name withheld) standing beside me. To cut the long story short, I learnt that she was going through some crises in her marriage. She couldn't help but show her sadness in form of tears that rolled down her cheeks while she talked. And I was compelled to write something about Marriage.    I questioned more than a couple of people to give me reasons why they wanted to get married. But surprisingly enough some of them never wanted to get married and with legit reasons. Most of their reasons all boiled down to what I'll call the #ALTER_EGO issue. Now before ...