RoadsideOpinions: Ass and Furious

Lust is a pleasure bought with pains, a delight hatched with disquiet, a content passed with fear, a sin finished with sorrow - Demonax

ME: Captain! Captain!! do you read me! over!

CAPTAIN: ...(Phone crackling)

ME: Captain! we have a situation! the bus driver is about to kill us looking at Ass.Do you copy! Captain do.....

(15minutes earlier)

Where do I start?..........(exhales heavily)

it's one thing to get into a bus, it's another thing to have a pervert drive you to your destination "safely".

You might be wondering where I'm going with this , well I'm not going anywhere. Where can I even go when I'm stuck between two thick Ladies and a driver who wants to kill us looking at Ass.

There's yours living testimony (giggles)👇

This is how it all started

Vroooooom!! this new looking mini bus halted right in front of me. Her orange colour shimmered underneath the warm embrace of the Wednesday morning sun. The bold sticker by the side window reminded me that "Udom is working" ( Akwaibomites gather round for a selfie).

Stepping into the bus seemed like I was on the stairs that led to heaven;so high. Without hesitation I slumped into the middle seat only to discover that my head could touch the roof of the bus.That wasn't much of a problem. I was prepared to manage as long as I could still inhale the sweet fragrance from the thick youruba lady who sat beside me. I knew she was Yoruba from her pronunciation of Morning in "Good morning".

Our bus Sped Off....

Everyone remained silent as the ride progressed,except for the eyes of our driver which noisily checked out the hind quarters (Bum-Bum) of every girl his bus was lucky enough to pass.

ADVICE TO MEN: Dear men! when you look at a lady's buttocks and lick your lips,you look entirely Stupid!

Unluckily for me a "Big" girl flagged down the bus and got in( using FAT might sound like discrimination 😀)

Yes! you guessed right. I was in between two thick women. Slim me, my butt was slightly suspended in air cos I found myself sitting on the contributions left of the generosity their hips were willing to give. Like Drake would say-Elevate. In my hip exalted seat I had a clear view of the "Big girl's" lashes which wasn't properly fixed.That was still not a problem.

ADVICE TO WOMEN: Dear Women! if you can't Fix your lashes right, then we can't trust you to Fix our lives (courtesy: Special adviser to Men on Life matters)

This was the third time this my youruba seatmate was screaming " Oga make you dey look road!". It was like a simultaneous response to everytime the bus rocked aggressively. Kufre( Driver) was still looking at Ass.

Wondering how I knew his name? well, an outdated almanac with his picture on it hanging right above the dashboard gave me all the info I needed.

He had this systematic way of looking at the Ladies.

First he looks at the girls butt with Keen and rapt attention like he could hear his name between them.His eyes follow through until the bus successfully passes her then he turns around (poking out his head) to look at the face(maybe trying to affirm if the face was suitable for what he just saw)

There was still no problem until "this girl" came walking towards us but on the other Lane (someone repeat after me say THIS GIRL)

I noticed cos Kufre started licking his lower lip again,Hian!

Quite all right she was curvy but...like.... shit! our driver had reached a level of demonic possession.

"Former First Bank!" one of the passengers shouted wanting to alight. Kufre ear don block,he kept looking and driving.

"Oga former first bank o!" He was Bewitched I swear.

Uncle started turning around to look at her back leaving us to the fate of the oncoming vehicle. In my head I could hear that Soundtrack for movie trailers, that sounds like Hoohoohoho Hoohoohoho.

My heartbeat raced cos I knew something was about to happen.

Then suddenly everything became slow...

The TACOMA rammed into us."Jesus!" was the last thing I heard o before my slim body jumped out of the bus to the side of the road( never underestimate the Jumping abilities of a Slim frightened guy)

Now picture this

➡Ass; he did not see

➡Satan; he has pleased

➡Bus;he will repair

➡50Naira; I did not pay (smiling wide)

Please y'all be safe, I need to absorb the days events properly.

9Eleven cares...❤❤❤

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